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    初一寫作技法——于細微處見神韻


    于細微處見神韻——第一單元寫作指導與訓練

     

    趙紅彬 孫桂華

     

     

    寫作講壇

        新的學期開始了,我們進入了新的學校,認識了新同學、新老師,怎樣介紹自己才會讓大家對你印象深刻呢?這也是本單元寫作指導的主題。世界上沒有完全相同的兩片樹葉,同樣也沒有完全相同的兩個人。在介紹自己或他人時,要凸顯“這一個”的獨特之處,應該做到于細微處見神韻。下面具體說一下:

        選材要小。介紹自己或他人都離不開寫事,選擇最能表現人物性格的典型事件,如生活中細小平常的“瑣事”。學會多觀察,多思考,善于挖掘,小中見大。如《童趣》中描寫的觀察夏蚊、草蟲等均為小事,卻很好地表現了小作者的“物外之趣”。

        描寫要細。可以抓住一兩個重點進行細致描寫,來突出人物性格。如《童趣》作者描寫了觀蚊如鶴、神游“山林”;《走一步,再走一步》中作者的膽小恐懼和信心倍增,都是運用細致的心理描寫,把人物的情感變化表現得淋漓盡致。

        景物烘托。借景烘托是寫人記敘文常用的方法。選景不在大,不在多,一草一木,一花一葉,如果能夠精描細刻,則能含蓄深沉地傳達人物的感情。如《紫藤蘿瀑布》從細處落筆,描寫了那神奇瀑布的一朵朵小花,生動細膩,準確烘托出了人物內心的喜悅寧靜之情。

     

    習作選登

     

    這就是我

     

    顧銘

     

        成績平平、相貌平平的我是典型的鄰家女孩,我喜歡向著初升的太陽、新生的小草和舒展的云朵,挑起那嘴角上揚的弧度。

        瞧,那邊正聚精會神地蹲在地上觀察著什么的女孩就是我了。你問我在干什么呢?我啊,正在拿著面包屑喂螞蟻呢,望著這些可愛的小生命咬起一塊塊食物,我心中充滿了幸福。“當你一個人獨自笑了,那才是真正的快樂”。是的,不出眾的我喜歡快樂地徜徉在自己的世界里。這就是我,一個熱愛生活、樂觀豁達的女生。

        一個人的時候,我也愛沉浸在書中,原本平靜的心情也會隨著如水般靈動的文字或喜或憂或蹙眉或展顏。我偏愛宋江這一形象,他替天行道,與眾兄弟們許下“不求同年同月同日生,但求同年同月同日死”的誓言,可憐忠義難兩全,最后只得無奈飲下御賜的毒酒……每讀至此,似乎我已站在忠義堂中,看那昔日熱鬧景象現在已人去樓空,眼淚不禁悄然落下。沉浸在書中的我儼然是在品一壺千年陳釀。

        我亦用一顆淡然的心面對著生活。記得一次發下試卷,我凝視著分數欣喜不已。93分,一個我不敢奢求的數字!然而卻發現老師算錯了分數,多加了10分。一盆冷水澆在我頭上,澆滅了我興奮的心情。此時同桌湊過頭來贊嘆我的成績:93分,多么大的榮譽。我猶豫起來,但是那鮮紅的“93愈發刺眼,我決定請老師更正分數。看到老師贊許的目光和同學們驚訝的表情,望著屬于我的83分,我微微一笑,心中坦然。這就是我,一個能笑看庭前花開花落,靜觀天邊云卷云舒的女生。

        這就是我。一個無法復制的我。

    【同窗視點】每個人都是宇宙的唯一,不求完美,只求做簡單的自己。作者的淡然可愛打動人心:喂螞蟻,不亦樂乎;讀《水滸》,蹙眉深思;看成績,選擇誠實。從樸實的文字中,我體會到:每個人都不平凡,只要做好自己,就是最大的成功。(張景平)【教師點評】小作者比較成功地選取生活中的平常小事,以小見大,很好地反映了一個“無法復制的我”,人物形象生動、鮮明。另外,細膩的心理描寫也為文章增色不少。不足之處是詳略處理欠妥,有平均用力之嫌,著力突出一兩個特點則會給人以更深的印象。

     

     

    這就是我

     

    劉雨

     

        齊耳的短發,白皙的皮膚,眉眼彎彎,一笑就會露出兩個可愛的酒窩。喜好廣泛,時靜時動——這就是我,一個十三歲的陽光女孩兒。

    輕松的時光

        我最大的愛好是畫畫。手握畫筆伏于桌前,寥寥幾下,筆尖在紙上自然地移動著,不一會兒一個嬌俏的少女形象便躍然紙上,或喜或嗔,惹人喜愛。轉瞬我用指尖沾染著顏料在紙上輕輕地滑動,不一會兒明麗清透的色彩便躍進眼簾,令人歡欣。畫筆帶著我的思緒在另一個世界神游,輕松愉悅。

    忘我的愉悅

        我亦愛唱歌。上天沒有賦予我美麗的容貌,卻贈我一副清亮的嗓音,“歌聲甜美、婉轉、清新”是同學們對我的評價。我現在不只喜歡中文歌,也喜歡上了不同風格的外國歌曲,不論是悠揚舒緩的英文歌曲,明亮輕快的俄國曲調,還是輕快明朗的日文動漫音樂……我都能輕快地唱上幾句,令不少同學羨慕。嘿嘿……那個正拿著麥克風,沉浸在無我的世界的人就是我啦。

    率真的快樂

        除了書本的陪伴,我還很向往綠茵場。在球場上的每一個瀟灑的跑位,每一次精彩的進球,每一張大汗淋漓的面孔,都帶著無限的魅力吸引著我。習慣了半夜兩點上演的球賽,習慣了早晨腫著眼睛與男生熱烈的討論,習慣了與他人較勁地比較著梅西和C羅。懷抱足球,瞇起雙眼,露齒一笑,頭上藍天白云,腳下綠茵如毯,陽光灑滿球場,微風如母親的手輕撫……我找到了最率真的快樂。

        或細膩沉靜,或開朗率真——這就是我,最真實的我。

    【同窗視點】我平常在寫自己時,往往不知該如何下筆,本文給了我很多啟示:寫獨特個性離不開平常小事,但不面面俱到;運用大量排比句與選用小標題形式,新穎又不致松散。(于京波)【教師點評】文章刻畫了一個別樣的女孩,文靜又如男孩般活潑率真。畫畫、唱歌、踢球,選材平常不失特色,文筆優美又不失細膩。藍天、白云、綠茵、陽光、微風,看似隨意的景物卻凸顯了人物性格,更為文章平添了神來一筆。

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